I don’t like bothering people.
Or upsetting them.
Or hurting them.
But I somehow end up doing all those things and losing everyone because of this stupid paranoia built up inside of me that just can’t ignore any details.
It makes me not care and not want to care.
But the problem is, is I just care too much.
And I hate myself because no one understands the extents I go to to help, or care for the people I love.
And considering I don’t love very many people anymore.
In fact I don’t really care for many people, and certain people I don’t want to care about anymore, because they just consistently let me down no matter what they say or promise.
I just want to feel like someone needs me, like someone would miss me and wouldn’t know what do so without me.
I don;t want to feel worthless.
I don’t know.
Half of me wishes I was alone so that I was safe and half of me just feels so alone because of little things my brain picks up on and chooses to focus on.
I love life but I hate it to.
Life is beautiful, but it’s fucking me up big time,
Hate missing people. I’m not used to it at all, i normally i see everyone i want to everyday. Perhaps i have been spoiled on the friend front however it makes that little bit happier when i finally get to see them. not used to expressing myself either. it feels very weird typing this out, i feel like an attention whore.
I’m not by the way, i’d happily live in my little hole without anyone knowing i exist. Not a dirty hole mind you, this is a Hobbit hole.
You’re so cute it hurts.
If it helps, I miss you, and you know me, I like being on my own because I hate everyone and I’m generally the biggest loner going ;D
I’ll see you in two days bub, WE IZ GUNNA FAIL BIO TOGETHER! <3